If that was your dad, he is hot
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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