he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
