: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
