Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
