that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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