just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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