So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Randomize
