how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
