i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
