i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
