Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
