oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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