Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
