Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
