I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
