She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
