Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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