She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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