I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
