but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
