capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
