I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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