someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
