don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
