Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
