Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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