I heard we made out
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
