this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
