Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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