Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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