Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
