Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i think my cat just said my name.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
