4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
