tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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