When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
