Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
