you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
i believe in u and ur pee
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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