Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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