I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
