You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
