Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
