she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
