i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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