Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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