You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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