Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
