Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
