like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
