I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
