just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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