i just had sex bonerless
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
