I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
