dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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