My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just had sex bonerless
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
