So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
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it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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