erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
