I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
