I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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