Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am mentally ready for anal.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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