remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
