Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
