he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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