My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize