and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
