Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
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i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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