oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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