If that was your dad, he is hot
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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