sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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