The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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