I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
