I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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