yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize