never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
