Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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