I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
