I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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