No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
