Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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