So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
