my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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