Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We got so high we made milksteak
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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