She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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