Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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