I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
