a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
