I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
