So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
