he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
