Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
