those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
