Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Never underestimate the power of titties
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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