There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
