it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
