Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Pants are for mortals
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
